My friendships are honestly probably the most important thing in my life, definitely top 3. I love my friends and would honestly do anything for any of them. I know everyones like "my best friend is the best best friend in the world, hands down no competition" and all that hansim stuff but mine honestly are. The people who I've chosen to surround myself with are honestly the best people i know, everyones so nice and so happy, so funny, like all my friends can make me laugh which is the best thing, especially like on those days when I'm just being hansim and dramatic ahahahah or just yah know when you're down and you can literally just message one of your mates demanding that he make you smile and he goes above and beyond ole ahhahaahaha.
My friends give me so much confidence like faaarout all the things that I've done since I've been friends with Olea and Teah, that i would never ever do before. And I know that I've chosen good ones that I love. But, and this is the ugliest part of this whole thing, I've had a lot of bestfriends in my life, like I think maybe 12, that's not too many but it is quite a lot, and literally eight of them I never ever talk to anymore. Like we've faded and drifted apart or been brutally cut out of their lives ahahahahahhaha, but like that is just a part of life? Friends come and go sorta thing? So I don't really think long term sorta thing for the future of my friendships? I mean me Olea and Teah have made all these plans and like I can fully see us being bestfriends till when we grow up, and i love them so much and forever will love them but then I do sometimes worry that like yah know, when I go to England we'll drift or whatever, and I don't like that I think this way but I'm just gonna put it down to being a realist? Even though I am extremely optimistic and hopeful most of the time it's just those few little thoughts that come once every so often ahahahahaha.
But so me and Hurutea were talking about how she thinks we'll be friends with the Nuk boys until we're older and that's what really made me realize that I do this. I only think short term and think that my friendships will end. I dunno, but it'd be super cool to be their friends til we're older and like we make all these plans and that, but it's just my mindset ahahaha like I build up walls or whatever ahahahaha. It's got nothing to do with them and who they are, "it's not you it's me" sorta thing ahahahaha but like I just see all friendships failing ahahahahah like that's so depressing and sad and I don't believe that in my heart I just think it in my head. Yeah that makes sense right? Like I want to love these people forever and like can feel that we'll stick together but then think that we won't? I dunno?
Then all my highschool friends who I'm not like best best friends with and are super close with but I love them so much, like everyone in my class man! And I know that in movies and tv everyone never sees eachother after highschool so that's sort of how I feel? But actually realistically, how many people who go to my school will leave Te Karaka? That sorta sounds harsh but I don't think that most them even want to. I dunno. But I know that I will most probably move back here and so I will still see most of my highschool friends all the time? It's weird because my mum always says "oh I went to highschool with her" or "he's was in my class at Waikohu" and they don't act like they were in the same class, like don't even acknowledge eachother I dunno? And there might be some people who I'd see in the future and won't have a full on catchup, or like go round to their house for dinner hahaha but I can picture myself doing that with most of em. I honestly imagined it all, like after I first move back from England and I'm at the supermarket (coz that's where mum always sees everyone she hasn't seen in ages) and then I'll get to say hi and be happy and faaaar I'm ugly for imagining it but I just do!
So basically surround yourself with idiots who you love and work on your relationships, like that's what I dont do I think I just give up on relationships? Like oh if they don't wanna be in my life then I won't try keep them? And that's sorta good like "let go or be dragged" But then yeah I dunno. That was the weirdest most pointless post ever but anyways choose people who you love and just love them to your fullest, and in the words of the most perfect fictional charecter ever created "I like my choices"
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