I feel like i’m stuck in a bit of a rut in life at the moment, with no plan or any ideas of how to get out of this lil funk. I’ve spent a few days perfecting my sad songs playlist and a couple of late nights googling what to do with your life if you don’t know what the hell your doing. The thing that i admired most about these blog posts and articles i was reading about was the sense that everyones been through this phase in their life. I feel like I’m not following societies plan for me, finish high school, go to college, get a job and start a family, i feel like i’m a no-life and have been outcast from everyone who was following this plan, but reading more and more about people who are in similar situations to mine has made me feel included, like we’re all lost, but we’re in one big room all being lost together. Even though i had never met any of the people writing and commenting on these posts, i felt connected and comforted by the things they were saying.
It’s 3am and i’ve just been watching youtube videos, but specifically BuzzFeed videos. Just admiring how i love all these characters who i watch all the time, except they’re not characters because they’re straight up normal people going their opinion on different types of milk. But i know their names and follow them on instagram and would most probably fangirl if i ever got to meet any of them. I often think when i watch videos of them interviewing one another at the Buzzfeed headquarters what an awesome place it would be to work, alongside all those cool personalities that i look up to. Because that is their work and it is a business but it provides so much entertainment for so many people and i just think its so cool because their just being themselves and giving their opinions and i love it. I always wonder what it would be like to be a part of that.
Hurutea said something to me today along the lines of “what would you do for the rest of your life if you didn’t get paid for it” and it made me think a lot, and thats one of the things that has got me in my little life rut at the moment because i don’t have any deep passions or talents that i’m amazing at. I just feel mediocre. And thats what frustrates me aswell because i want to do something that i love everyday but i have no idea what. The things I think of when i think of the things i love is, social media, music, movies, my friends and family, travelling, lists, and writing- even though i may not be the best writer i still love it, when i have a problem and it’s 3am the first thing i wanna do is write about it, i might wake up in the morning and read through it and it will not make any sense at all but it makes me feel so good to get everything out and to just see it staring back at me, i feel like its a way to sort of be physically face to face with my problems instead of just bottling up my emotions in my head. But those things aren’t really career building aspects. Or so I thought.
I went to the toilet and was thinking about how much I really truly do like BuzzFeed, i loved it when i was in England and all the BuzzfeedUK post showed up and could vaguely relate to some of the posts and it would probably be my favourite website. I thought “hmm i’d really like to be involved in that” so searched up BuzzFeed internships which i thought would just be getting coffee and filling papers but there are sooooo many jobs all to do with that company and I just fell in love with the idea. I have no idea if i could do it and most of the jobs were in New York but i have no idea what I’m doing at this time in my life and am sort of collecting ideas and inspiration so i really think this will go to the top of my list, above summer camp next year in June and a level 2 maori certificate.
I haven’t got a freaking clue.
No comments:
Post a Comment