Sorta serious.

I dunno if i should be writing this, like if it's too personal? I was reading other blogs on how to be a good blogger ahahaha and it said not to be too personal, I'm not too sure why, maybe for like your own safety or just because some people might not like that, but then again people are always not gonna like something!? unless your hurutea and love every single thing in the whole wide world forever ahaahahahahaha. But i feel like I'm quite an open person, theres not a lot i don't like to talk about? I think? And i feel like by not telling people i'm sort of keeping it a secret? I dunno maybe it's just me who thinks this way but yeah. Plus this is my blog where i document whats happening in my life and all my feelings, so i sort of just want to get it all out here so it's all organised? like my thoughts and feelings are sorted out into words ahahahha none of this is even making any sense! So anyways lets start story time!!

I'm gonna miss a few things out coz like that's private sorta thing that no-one wants to hear about, but basically i have a few sorta symptoms of what my mum had when she was younger, polycystic ovary syndrome, so we went to the doctor to like check it out and he said that i had to get a blood test or an ultrasound so mum said i'd get both hahahaha we went to town to get my blood tests and they came back positive, my mum came back from preschool with all this information about PCOS (hahahahha that makes me sound so smart and special) and like thinking about it now i should've made a bigger deal about it but i still had to get an ultrasound, coz the doctor said that was like 100% or whatever hahahha.

I went to Huruteas the day before for a movie day and i told her about it and we just talked about all the stuff me and my mum had talked about, but she got it, like i dunno i know no ones gonna judge me or anything for it but it's just nice that people are seeing it from my point of view aswell? Because basically one of the things with the syndrome is that you might have trouble having babies, it's like the most common cause of infertility. But when i found this out i wasn't too devastated about it? Like I wanted to adpt a baby anyways, but now maybe i'l just adopt them all??

When i told bly and olea about it they both said they'd give me one of their babies which truly warms my heart haha. And like its weird but when you think about stuff, or realise something, you see it everywhere or you just notice it more, coz like know its weird seeing pregnant people coz its like well i might never be able to that, which is weird. I'm fine with it now but my feelings might change as i grow older. But i may still be able to have babies, but i'm glad I'm not totally worried or devastated about it.

My poor mum feels so bad though, she told me how proud she if of me being so mature about this all haha, and she feels guilty because she has sort of passed it down to me, and because now "one of my kids just isn't normal and perfect" her exact words hahahahha but its alright coz now I'm just feeling bad for her feeling bad hahaha.

I've been reading a few things about adoption, not much, just searching it up on pinterest now and then and just sort of like easing into the adoptive moms club sort of thing which is totally mental really, starting to get information about something that won't happen for at least another 10 years but i guess i am always thinking about my future family, like always hahahha and my babies will be my babies no matter where they come from, yeah that's for now.

smoochies xx