Life Decisions.

I haven't done a super rambly, type out all my thoughts and emotions, no structure no point blog post in like almost a year, which is crazy and also evidence of a point i wanna make ahahahah. So I've just had an emotional breakdown talk with my mum about next year and stuff, and now i'm gonna write about how stupid and difficult life changing choices are!

This year has been a shamble so far ahahahah like lets be honest, but its getting better and I'm a much happier person than i was in January. I started this year in England and went to a super duper dark place, like super sad, stayed in bed all day, didn't eat or ate way heaps and it was scary like i didn't like feeling that way, so distant from who I really am. So i came home and was feeling lost more than ever, coz at least while i was over in england i looked like i was doing something with my life and now i had nothing to do back home, but i was happier, being home with my friends, that just made all the difference, like i was so lonely in england, and i was home laughing and going on trips to Hamilton, going to school and going to Kapa Haka just having fun hanging out and socialising! I stay home and do the dishes and whatever jobs mum its for me to do and cook dinner sometimes, but feel like i should be doing more around the house but i just binge watch tv, I love it tho just watching season upon season of shows, but now I've got pressure from my dad, like not pressure but i can tell he's like disappointed and annoyed at me for not doing anything with my day, as much as mum tells me they've got no expectations for me i still just feel like I've failed them, I'm not a doctor and i left the nest then came straight back to it like i dunno its sort of a cloud thats always there.

I'm trying to get my restricted liscense, i failed it last year and have been taking more lessons, but I'm just a shit driver, theres no way to sugar coat that, I'm not confident and barely even know the road rules ahahaha but I've got my test booked for next tuesday which I'm going in to expecting to fail, like i wouldn't pass me ahahaha.

Next year my plan is to do a level 2 maori certificate course and sometimes i get really excited about it but other times I'm just like i do not want to do that at all ahahaha which is so annoying. Im scared really, scared that I'm gonna fail, that I'm not smart enough to understand, that i'll fall behind, i won't fit in like its scary i dunno. But me and Georgette are getting a house together in town and I'm so freaking excited and happy about that, and I'm so happy that she's happy and excited, likes its gonna be so fun, weird and new and exciting but fun. Buuuut then money. Money makes the world go round and i don't got nuuuun. Money is so stupid and annoying, like all my plans in the future i envision myself being rich ahahahaha but like how do i get there. I just wish it wasn't a big deal and i never want to be in financial trouble like i just don't wanna be poor ahahah.But life costs money man! Like my actual dream would be to pause time and watch all the tv i wanna watch and like somehow get a job and make heaps as money, figure out what the heck i wanna do then unpause time and live ma life fam! But thats just a fantasy ahahahaha like the world is not a wish granting factory. Gotta eat to live gotta steal to eat nahahahhaha. Im just excite for a life that I'm now realising might take a lot longer till i can live it ahahaha. I don't want student loans and depts i just daunt wanna be poor ahahaha but i gotta study and then get a good job and work forever for that to happen.

Also my parents do so much for me and i just like feel a big pressure of not knowing how to pay them back like I'm forever indebted to them coz they gave me life and like raised me to be classy naht flashy ahahah, but like I'm happy with who i am today because of the things they've given me and so all of a sudden i feel like i need to repay them, but mum said all she wants to see is all of us be happy. I dunno just a feeling I've been having lately.

I just do not like this time of my life, like yeah I'm happy but I'm so lost and confused, i have no idea what I'm doing and what i want, and its difficult when i see some of my peers going to uni and knowing exactly what they want to do but thats just what i see on the outside like i dunno, and then i compare myself to others who are like older than me and don't even have their learners licenses and i really just need to stop comparing myself to others coz thats toxic, i just need stay in my own lil bubble and worry about myself.

Okay i think thats everything ahahahahah just keep living lyfe and I'm giving myself till I'm 23 to sort my shit out ahahahhahahahahha so just do whatever till then, it'll all be alright. Deuces :)

July Favourites

Blackcurrant juice like ribena but i just get like the 3L cheap one ahahaha but i really love it ever since the Kapa Haka hakari, then Olea bought me some for my birthday ahahaha when we all went to Hamilton omg how was that only this month!!

How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days! I am in looooooove with this movie!! It's definitely one of my top 5 now i love it so much and now forever have the song stuck in my head. This is ugly but i love the "love scene" ahahahahahah thats so ugly but its different to other movies it just annoys me how she jumps in the shower with her jewellery ahahaha. But its honestly the funniest movie and so mushy and perfect and sassy i love it i just love it! I love Kate Hudson but not too keen on Matthew McConaughey  (that just took about 5 minutes to spell) but i looooooove him in this movie! I just love this movie!

New music from Olea ahaha i visited her and she gave me all her music then i listened to it on the bus ride home and i am freaking in love with Sunday Candy and Crooked Smile they're cool songs and i just listened to like 9 songs from Hamilton to Tk ahahahaha.

Stupid Mountain Climb ahahahaha that old as game ahahaha idk I'm just addicted to it ahahaha.

This nice as custard omg its the meadow fresh thick and creamy or somethings its so delicious omfg like with bananas or just by itself like its just custard but its sooooo good!! Hhahahaa fat as buzzing about custard ahahaha.

Planning for freaking Summer omg! I hate summer, sweaty yucky heat and i just i don't like it ok. But i haven't had a summer in like two years 😂😂😂😂 But i have a bucket list and most hopefully ill have my restrictes and i hope i get some money some how 😂😂 but I'm just so excited and gonna scrap book it and just make it an epic summer! Like I've made my playlist and just so freaking excite.

June Favourites

Hozier the guy who sings Take Me To Church! He has such a freaking good album man!! I love Cherry Wine, Jackie and Wilson, Sedated and Work Song thats my favourite i think! It's just so chill and like its just a nice album, his voice is so nice man! And he's like 6'5ft so dayuum boy!

Zumba and my new shoes!! Me and Bly started going to Zumba up Whatatutu and at TK and it is honestly so much fun! Up WTA its cool coz like Kenny and Aroz go so I'm like getting closer to Aroz! And he's a guy instructor and he's really cool! Down at TK its a bit awkward but once the whole Hakas team came down and it was so freaking fun man like Kaata and Tiare were being hanse idiots! It was so fun! And then i bought these new shoes, i was gannet nikes but then just got black warehouse ones and i am in loooove with them! I wear them with all my outfits and stuff i just love them ahahahah.

Chrissy Teigen is bae. Shes John Legends wife and she is honestly so cool! She's writing a cookbook i think and she posts photos of the food and its cool coz like it gets you excited for buying the book like you'd rather see what you were gonna buy rather than just buy something for the hell of it. And thats the thing with all these youtubers putting books out, they keep it all secret secret for ages and ages and then just kind of announce that they have a book but i just love that she shows the whole process its cool and she's just so funny and she's cool!

I have been loving mirror selfies ahahahahaha vain as but i am!! Thats all i have to say about that!

New music! I have a whole huge long list of artists who i need to like fall in love with and obsess over so i started and I'm so obsessed with Betty Who and Ashley Tisdale oooooomg her songs ar the best, Delete You and Hair make me laugh so much and are so freaking catchy i just jam out ahahaha. But i have like 100 new songs and like it stresses me out coz i don't know all the words and stuff, and I've still got so many songs to listen to and discover ahahahah. Miranda Cosgrove, Jennette McCurdy awww Fiiifth Harmony i love them!! Like Mariah, Them Girls Be Like, Reflection, Suga Mama, and Brave Honest Beautiful, just all the soooonngssss ahahaha. Aw Kacey Musgraves, the Rixton album i loooooove I Like girls!! Its just a real fun song!!

May favourites.

I have fallen in loooooove with French bulldogs!! I want one so bad, they're so cute and mum said i can get one, i want a black or tan one, aw man all i do all day is look them up on insta or tumblr. And now i keep seeing them around, like when you learn about something and then like see it everywhere, thats got a real name but idk what it is. Hilary Duff and Jessie Ware have one and gaaaah i just too much cuteneeeeess.

Jessie Ware!!! She is Bae. I haven't like dove into obsession but i watched her on Graham Norton and because i couldn't fast forward i watched the performance and then just threw it into my youtube watch list and then i listened to it properly and then a few of her other songs and omg i love her so much she's so good and i just love her so much.

Being Home!! Im so happy to be here with all my friends and i just have like these random moments of appreciation.  like its just so nice to be around people i know and who know me!! I just love it here and don't miss England one bit, like i miss my nan and some of the food, but i love being home!! And I've been so busy since I've been back swell so thats fun aswell, after doing nothing for 5months so I'm just really enjoying homeness.

My trip to Hamilton!! I went to visit Olea a week before Queens Birthday weekend and it was so blimp fun!! Like it was so chill and just hanging out but then we did heaps of stuff aswell, it was so fun and we cracked up literally the whole entire time omg it was just the best. We listened to music and ate no proper food ahahahah, made all the memz and wrote them down ahahahah.

Memz. I love that i write down all the funny things that happen in my day and then like at the end of the year i have all these memories, and i think thats why i remember stuff so much because i make sure i remember it ahahahah.

My phone!!! I got it the day of Kapa Haka and i love it, its beautiful and gorgeous, i missed having a phone so much and aw like i don't ever text anyone but like just having something to have and to hold everywhere i go ahahahah

43. Get 100 likes on Facebook.

Yes this is a legitamate thing on my bucket list, and its hella lame and self absorbed and stupid to care so much about likes but i do, ahahah i aint gonna deny it i care about likes and fuss over how many or how few my photos and post gets, and I'm so bad i will do certain thing just so i can post about them and get likes ahahaha but i don't mind that I'm like that sau. Hurutea and Olea get hundreds of likes just like that, no denying it and closest I've ever come to one hunnid is about 80? Buuuut today history was made ahahahah with this photo of me and my 3 siblings at Manu Korero Kapa Haka.  It wasn't my profile photo it was just an Instagram photo i shared. I tagged Raimaree in it swell coz i think she showed up and i always tag mum and dad in my photos to get dem likes ahahahaha, and i got like 33 people who weren't my friends liked it. Im just so happy i have a hundred likes ahahah and ticked this off my bucket list ahahaha. Stupid.

April favourites.

Percy, aw he's just such a sweet lil cute baby and i love him he's just the sweetest. Playing tag and chasing him around, looking at planes, and throwing him up in the air, him always eating and eating my food aswell, i just love his cuteness.

Ive been craaaaaving slushys like its starting to get really warm and summery and so i just feel like one, then i went to the movies with bonnie and had one but yeah, they're not very like common over here.

My new kimono, i got it at Matalan and its like crochet and long and heavy and its so pretty. I wore it as soon as got it and just love it with everything.

Grey plimsolls, these lil shoes i got for like $4 from Boohoo dot com ahahahah and they're just so easy and coz they were so cheap, and grey and casual and cool ole.

Knowing I'm going home! Yesss I'm going home, I've decided life too short to be unhappy, that I've got my whole life to come back to england, why do i need to be here now, being unhappy, i want to be back being happy with my friends, but I'm nervous that like what if i go home and I'm not happy like its hard but I'm excited to go home and not be miserable and homesick :D

The pink print ohmygosh! This album is good, Nicki Minaj will forever slaaaaay and theres like upbeat rap party songs but then theres Grand Piano which is so nice and aw i just like the songs ahahahahah my inner black girl is coming out and just like embrace the sounds ahahahah what even.

What I miss about home.

I'm homesick. As. And like just missing certain things from home and like random weird things aswell so i just wrote them down, its so pointless and stupid and not even a long list but i just though some of the things i randomly miss are like out of it ahahaha, just another pointless blog post.

Square weetbix
And square teabags!

Radioactive bright orange Fanta hahahah the Fanta here is like normal orange colour but it looks so ugly

The warehouse

Red bands
And calling Jandals, Jandals not Flip Flops

My car and driving!!
Going on like mini road trips on the weekends

River water

Jade talking about sabbath days

Paknsave pizza at the bakery

Sexy Maori boys

That puzzle we have that's got three different sized pieces and it's about the arctic ahahahahha

They way Ton asks me if I wanna watch Greys ahahahahah

Dads chicken!!!
Me Olea and Hurutea sleeping over at each others houses and laughing at THE dumbest stuff ever like but just dying of laughing!
Actually just leaving the house
Just using normal blimmen words! Chips, pants uh i can't think of anything else but like just not having to explain myself ahahahaahahahaha.

Chu get a me a plane ticket home.